Hocus Pocus: Disney's Next Halloween Musical … That It Doesn't Know It's Producing

Broadway really likes turning movies into musicals. Some people love it. Some people hate it. We’re in it for the dream-casting opportunities. So instead of waiting for the next Notebook, or The Devil Wears Prada, or Almost Famous, or Mystic Pizza (seriously, there are a million of them), we picked one of our favorite titles and dreamed up not just a cast list, but a fully conceptualized, guaranteed blockbuster: Hocus Pocus.

Broadway producers — feel free to thank us at the Tony Awards.

Plot Summary
Hocus Pocus has been dying to be a musical ever since Bette Midler bewitched an entire Halloween party of middle-aged parents with a jazzy remix of a 1950s blues ballad.

Perhaps Disney’s greatest holiday-themed property, the 1993 film follows the Sanderson sisters — a trio of Salem witches who wait 300 years for a virgin to light the Black Flame Candle and bring them back from the dead so they can suck the lives out of all the neighborhood children. Thackery Binx, a 17th-century dream boat, meanwhile, bides his time as an immortal cat waiting for the day he can avenge the death of his sister Emily.

Enter Max, a bitter 20th-century LA native with animosity toward seasonal joy — the virgin they’ve all been waiting for. The chill of the East Coast has got him down, but a night of trick-or-treating with his 8-year-old sister, Dani, takes a turn for the better when he stumbles upon a mansion that turns out to be the home of his crush, Allison. Max convinces Allison to ditch her family’s fancy costume bash for an old-fashioned blue-collar night of trespassing and vandalism — and before you know it, his flirtatious dexterity with a lighter conjures three undead murderers.

For anyone who has ever wondered how “I Put a Spell on You” would look in Broadway lights, or how Sarah Sanderson would have continued her musical interpretation of the word “amok,” consider this our gift to you. Happy Halloween.

 

Creative Team
Music and lyrics by Robert and Kristen Anderson-Lopez (Frozen)
Additional music and lyrics by Jalacy “Screamin’ Jay” Hawkins
Booooooooooook by Nell Benjamin (Mean Girls)
Original direction by Kenny Ortega (High School Musical trilogy)
Choreography by Chase Brock (Be More Chill)

 

Cast List
Patti LuPone – Winifred, eldest Sanderson sister, would have a lounge act in Vegas if she weren’t busy being a witch

Annaleigh Ashford – Sarah, boy-crazy Sanderson sister, likes dancing and turning fun words into songs

Ann Harada – Mary, appeasing Sanderson sister, silently understood that she will be riding the vacuum cleaner

Joe Keery – Max, bitter teenager, a West Coaster adjusting to life with people who have big feelings about fall, hair must convey an energy that ranges between young Leonardo DiCaprio and peak Jonathan Taylor Thomas

Storm Lever – Allison, has the kind of rich parents who get bombed at their own Halloween party and don’t realize their teenage daughter is spending the night fighting witches and cuddling in a cute boy’s bed, will join a society for the occult in college

Mattea Conforti – Dani, Max’s 8-year-old sister, precocious, has a surprisingly keen understanding of the word “virgin”

Joshua Bassett – Thackery Binx, 1693 Salem teenager turned immortal feline, must be a heartthrob even in cat form

 

Mike Faist – Jay, archetype of ’90s bully who mixes leather with flannel

J. Quinton Johnson – Ernie “Ice,” ’90s bully-sidekick, a savant for shoe sizes

Jay Armstrong Johnson – Billy Butcherson, cheated on Winifred with her sister Sarah, so has questionable judgment but is a helpful zombie (Johnson will also be understudying the role of Winifred)

Joe Tippett – Dave, Max and Dani’s dad, that awful guy who dresses up as a vampire on Halloween and stays in character the whole night

Andréa Burns – Jenny, Max and Dani’s mom, has been a different version of Madonna every Halloween since 1984

Larry David and Laurie Metcalf – Master and Master’s Wife, middle-aged couple, unromantic enough to be played by siblings

Bus Driver – Danny Burstein, sexually harasses most of his passengers

 

Song List

Act 1
Sanderson Sisters Lullaby (“Come Little Children”) – Sarah, ensemble
The Legend of Thackery Binx / Dead Man’s Toe! – Ensemble
Halloween in Hollywood – Max, Allison
Pay the Toll – Jay, Ice
Don’t Wanna Be an East Coast Virgin – Max
You’re Taking Me Trick-or-Treating – Dani (feat. angry Max drum solo)
This Is Your Home Now – Max, Dani
Putting on My Jeans for a Poor Man’s Halloween – Allison
Light My (Black Flame) Candle – Max
A Virgin … Lit the Candle – Ensemble
Back in the ’90s (After 300 Years) – Winifred, Sarah, Mary

 

Act 2
The Ballad of Billy Butcherson – Binx (feat. Billy, Winifred, and Sarah love-triangle dream ballet)
Boys Will Love Me – Sarah
Take a Ride on My Bus – Bus Driver
I Smell Children (but I Don’t See Children) – Mary
They Call Me Master – Master
My Husband Loves Halloween and I Hate My Husband – Master’s Wife
Amok! Amok! Amok! – Sarah
We’re Wasted and the Kids Are Here – Dave, Jenny
I Put a Spell on You – Winifred, Sarah, Mary, ensemble
Thank God for Pottery Class – Allison
I Think I Love My Talking Cat – Dani
Let’s Snuggle Till Sunrise – Max, Allison
Dead Man’s Chungs – Jay, Ice
Booooooooooook (Goodbye Song) – Winifred
Come Little Children (Reprise) – Sarah, ensemble
Daylight Savings Time – Max
Trollop! Wench! – Billy
I Put a Spell on You (Reprise) – Winifred, Sarah, Mary
I Know I Loved My Talking Cat / Goodbye Song – Dani, Thackery
The Power of a Virgin – Max, ensemble