Come As You Are: Ryan J. Haddad's Latest Play Is a Story of Love That Meaningfully Welcomes Disabled Audiences

Ryan J. Haddad is back on stage and excited to tell more of his story.

Haddad’s theatrical journey of self-discovery started with his first autobiographical solo show Hi, Are You Single? 10 years ago, and now and continues with Hold Me in the Water at Playwrights Horizons. Hi, Are You Single? is a meaningful and comically incisive piece about the search for love as a disabled gay man. His latest answers the question of what happens after he finds that first love.

Haddad, who has cerebral palsy and uses a walker, explores dating and navigating the city, diving deep into a relationship where Haddad finally lets his walls down. The 33-year-old artist once again connects through personal storytelling. “When people from the staff of the theater have come and watched the show they’re like, “ooh, ohh, this is a beautiful story and it makes me think of me,” Haddad told TheaterMania.

As with Hi, Are You Single? and his Obie-winning show Dark Disabled Stories, Haddad welcomes the disabled community at every performance. Hold Me in the Water is set in a relaxed environment for theatergoers who need accommodations, in addition to providing many access offerings.

Here,  he talks about the new show and what should be done to make the theater experience accessible for disabled folks. “I want people to actually come and feel welcomed in the space,” Haddad said. “Come as you are.”

This conversation has been condensed and edited for clarity. 

Can you tell me a little bit about the story of Hold Me in the Water?
Hold Me in the Water is a young and hopeful and joyful story of first love and optimism and uncertainty. What happens when the thing that you think you always wanted suddenly appears? The things that happened for me internally on the receiving end of that are complicated. I have to buckle up my seat belt and ask myself, “you know, how is this really going to turn out?” The audience is asking themselves the same thing. It’s like a romantic comedy but a little messier, and it’s very sweet and very tender. I think it will be deeply relatable for an audience because everybody has a first love, or everyone has a big love that forms the way they exist in a relationship.

After your last two shows, Dark Disabled Stories and Hi, Are You Single?, where do you find yourself, Ryan, on the stage?
I really enjoy this sort of personal narrative theater. I think while I will expand and begin to tackle other forms and investigate other characters, I’m also going to keep returning to the character of Ryan and these little slices of life or marinating on specific themes. I enjoy going up and saying, “This is me. This is a character or representation of me.” Meaning, it’s a little bit heightened but it is me, ostensibly. It means something to the audience when it’s like, “oh, that’s you, and that happened to that person.”

I’ve been doing this professionally for 10 years, and where I find myself on stage is I have more of an ease. At times, I get intimidated by a brand new text. Hold Me in the Water is a show which I’ve been developing since 2019 but that I’ve never performed without the script in front of me. That feels, oh no — scary — especially because I’ve been doing Hi, Are You Single? all 10 years that I’ve been in New York. I even just did it again in January. I dusted it off after sort of a three-year hiatus.

How was that experience after a few years — and after performing Dark Disabled Stories?
Exactly. I had not performed Hi, Are You Single? since doing Dark Disabled Stories. I was nervous but it felt a little like coming home. That’s a piece if you asked, I could do the first half right now. It’s in my body and those beats are in my body.

How can the theater community approach better access for disabled theatergoers and performers?
It’s about demonstrating that there are many ways to do it. It’s harder when access is taped on at the last minute. It’s harder when you don’t think about it from the very first design meeting or the very first production meeting, and when you slap it on at the end, it doesn’t feel as part of the show. It doesn’t feel as creative or artistically integrated as it could and therefore, the experience for the audience who are using those access tools is not as holistic or robust.

There are many ways to do it, but certainly go above. Budget for more ASL performances. Budget for more open caption performances or for audio described performances. Have more relaxed offerings or options that allow for those things to happen.

For performers, that’s from theater to theater. All of these buildings, particularly in New York City, are different. They are more or less welcoming depending on how old they are and when they were built.

It starts with opening yourself up to the idea of even having disabled performers on the stage, or disabled artists involved in the room. Theaters budgets are built a year or more in advance, so keep a pot aside for these access related things, knowing that they can be both audience-facing and or creative artist, technician, employee facing too. Then ask those individuals, what are your access needs. How can we help?

Can you tell me about the access offerings that you have for disabled folks?
We’re doing a lot of access offerings, which I feel really excited about and grateful we’re able to do it. Clearly, when the invitation is offered, disabled people show up. When a show says you are accounted for in this space, and we want you here, it makes people show up in ways they would otherwise hesitate because they don’t find themselves thought of by the creative team or the theater itself.

Every performance will be relaxed, which means that people can come and go as they need. There’s a quiet room right outside the theater in the lobby if people need to get up and move around. If people need to use the bathroom, they can come and go. They will never be denied re-entry. The house lights will be dim, but not fully dark to allow for this sort of relaxed environment and we will have captions at every performance. We will have open audio descriptions at every performance. [See a full list of access offerings here.]

I have cerebral palsy of the right side, so it’s always nerve-wracking finding my seat when stairs are darkened since I have balance issues. I can’t clap using two hands after a performance and I always feel self-conscious about that. I appreciate you having a space where disabled theatergoers feel comfortable.
That matters to me. It matters to me you’re a disabled journalist writing about this. What I described actually resonated with you and was going to make your experience more pleasant. That is literally why this matters. I want people to actually come and feel welcomed in the space, come as you are. Hearing that feedback really matters to me and reminds me of why this is happening.