50 Shades of F****d Up

Musically thrust into an exciting and mysterious world, after doing a solid for her best friend Kate, the naive and bookish Anastasia Steele meets a man who will forever change her life and her bum.

Christian Grey, the dashing and dancing billionaire, who loves ships, opens his heart to Anastasia for the first time since, yep, Mrs. Robinson.

This love story is propelled forward with riding crops and the help of The Grey’s Global Duo, whose musical narration, provide details we don’t really need. Ultimately, in the big musical finale, Ana and Christian’s love for each other is curtailed by incompatibility and a sore ass.

Oh, and Jose is not her boyfriend.