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Before David Sedaris became one of America's favorite cynical humorists, he worked for a time in the Santaland of Macy's Department Store. Not a bad gig for a teenager earning a little spending money during the Christmas season...except Sedaris was playing an elf named Crumpet at the age of 33. It was his job to usher hordes of moody children onto the lap of an even moodier Santa, while elves with washboard abs hit on waiting mothers and desperate shoppers traded punches near Santa's Magic Tree. Sedaris wasn't so much working in a holiday wonderland, as he was wintering in ho-ho-hell.

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