More Naked Boys in Your Future?

Despite the predictions of naysayers, the Off-Broadway production of the L.A. nudie musical Naked Boys Singing is still going strong almost a year into its run. Which proves either that (a) audiences are mad for the revue’s jokes, music and lyrics, or (b) people really, really like to look at attractive young men in their birthday suits.

Assuming that the success of the show is more due to (b) than (a), we’ve come up with several variations on the theme. Our theory is that theatergoers will always pay good money to see buff boys in the buff, no matter what they’re doing on stage. (Duh!) So, when and if Naked Boys Singing starts to lose steam at the box-office, the producers might consider any or all of the following concepts:

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Naked Boys Scatting
A jazz-infused version of the current show. The opening number will be the Ella Fitzgerald arrangement of “A Tisket, A Tasket” with new lyrics: e.g., “A tisket, a tasket, look what’s inside my basket.” Very cutting edge.

Naked Boys Signing
For the benefit of hearing impaired audience members, Naked Boys Singing will henceforth be performed entirely in sign language. And, in an effort to be all-inclusive, the lyrics of the songs will be printed in the program in Braille–along with each cast member’s vital statistics.

Naked Boys Swimming
The Naked Boys pack up their belongings (such as they are) and move a few blocks west from the Actors’ Playhouse to the Olympic-sized pool in the gym at New York University. Selected songs from Stephen Sondheim’s “The Frogs” will be added to the score for this aquatic version of the show. Producers are bracing for protests by the Speedo company, since these boys don’t know from bathing suits.

Naked Boys Swinging
No, it’s not what you’re thinking. (Get your mind out of the gutter!) In this daring conflation of two popular art forms, the Naked Boys are featured in a 1940s-style swing dance show patterned after the one that’s currently running on Broadway. Certain numbers–e.g., “It Don’t Mean a Thing If It Ain’t Got That Swing”–gain new meaning in this context. (Note: The boys will be allowed to wear support garments for some of the more strenuous dance routines, and a program note will assure us that “No penises were harmed during rehearsals for this production.”)

Naked Boys Shooting
The boys try their hands at an all-male, all-nude version of Annie Get Your Gun. Hey, it can’t be worse than the current Broadway revival!

Naked Boys Spinning
For obvious reasons, the cast of Naked Boys Singing must remain in tip-top physical shape. To that end, someone has had the inspired idea to combine the show with a spinning class. Auditions are currently being held for (male) instructors. (Note: TDF will offer a discount ticket deal whereby the show may be seen in combination with Lincoln Center Theater’s Spinning Into Butter.)

Naked Boys Screaming
Some of the most difficult songs from Rent and Jesus Christ Superstar will be added to the score of Naked Boys Singing. The beauty of the idea is that, if any of the boys blow out their voices, no one in the audience will care.

Naked Boys Schmoozing
A Cameron Mackintosh production. Set in the home of someone who bears a remarkable resemblance to David Geffen. Other characters recall Scott Rudin, Barry Z, and Liz Smith. But all characters are fictitious.

Naked Boys Scalping
The boys scamper about the theater district, hawking ducats to The Lion King.

Naked Boys Starving
The story of people who lost their shirts (get it?) after investing heavily in The Capeman, The Civil War, and Wrong Mountain.

Naked Boys Swearing
A new musical by David Mamet.

Naked Boys Thinking
Inspired by Rodin’s statue “The Thinker,” the boys offer a challenging evening of excerpts from the work of Jean-Paul Sartre and Samuel Beckett.

Naked Boys Sinking
The Broadway musical Titanic wasn’t as successful as the James Cameron film of the same title, so the Naked Boys are going to have another go at the story–with, of course, their own special twist. New lyrics have been written for the song “My Heart Will Go On” but, unfortunately, they are unprintable.

Naked Boys Stinking
Our intrepid heroes perform some of the most appalling, hateful, stinkeroo songs in musical theater history. Expect at least half of the score of Miss Saigon to be included, along with such other classics (!) as “Paris Makes Me Horny” from Victor/Victoria and, of course, the title song from Sunset Boulevard.