Max Crumm and Lucy DeVito are currently headlining the new off-Broadway show Hot Mess at the Jerry Orbach Theater. Hot Mess is a comedy about a pair of soulmates who have revealed every major secret to each other except their past histories with men. With that in mind, we asked Crumm and DeVito to reach into their personal archives in order to answer the question, "What was a relationship (or flirtation) you had that was a 'hot mess' of its own?"
So, one time, before I came out, I was on a (what I thought was a friends thing) date with this gorgeous and hilarious girl. We had the BEST time!! Margs, nachos, dessert!! It was the best! We giggled about musicals and N.Y. We talked about how we both love sex. I was like, "WOW, this is awesome." Next thing I know, we are back at her place looking at photo albums on her bed because that's what friends do. Anyway, she would laugh really loud after certain jokes I made, and I kept thinking, "This is so rad, but why do I feel strange now? OH THAT'S WHY CUZ OOPS." Anyway — she kissed me and I panicked and left. I kept thinking, "Ooohhhh..." on the walk to the train.
The year was 1998. I lived in a pair of vintage light blue corduroy flared pants. I used to wear bandanas around my head and beaded necklaces that I had made myself. This was my "cool" outfit that I was convinced would bring me attention. I really wanted the attention of this one senior; we can call him "Blah."
"Blah" was the most popular brah in the school. That day I had P.E., and I knew he'd be watching us silly sophomores run around on the field. Sports is not my expertise, but I was gonna act like I was having fun and was good at catching that ball thing. "Blah" was in the stands, I was in left field, and the ball came my way. I bent down to catch it, and I heard the sound of a big fart. Did I fart? No. What was that? Wait, my butt feels cold. I had ripped the ass of those beloved cords all the way, exposing my super-nerdy tie-dyed undies to "Blah" and everyone else watching. I spent the rest of the day with my friend's sweatshirt around my waist…oof!
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