Non-casting has been announced for Roundabout Theatre Company's apparently actually happening revival of John Kander, Fred Ebb, and Joe Masteroff's Cabaret at whatever date in the future it happens to occur. Neither Academy Award winner Anne Hathaway (Les Misérables) nor Emma Stone (Easy A) will be making their Broadway debut as leading lady Sally Bowles.
These recent developments really narrow the casting options to every person who's ever been in a movie (except Anne Hathaway and Emma Stone), so it's about time we all put on our thinking caps and get to starting rumors about the next Ms. Bowles. Allison Brie? Amanda Seyfried? Ellen? It's hard to say for sure. Whoever it is, they might be starring opposite Alan Cumming, who received a Tony Award for his work as the Emcee in Roundabout's 1998 revival of the acclaimed musical.
According to The New York Times, the almost-definitely-real revival will feature direction by Oscar winner Sam Mendes and co-direction and choreography by Rob Marshall, the same team who staged the last (definitely real) revival of Cabaret.
A Roundabout Theatre spokesman said to the Times, "Roundabout is in the casting phase and exploring if the production can come together with the most ideal cast."
Other celebrities almost certainly not appearing on Broadway in the upcoming year or two include Cher, Jack Nicholson, and Wendy Williams. No, wait, that Wendy Williams thing is happening.
Don't show this again.