Incomplete Address

All right, let’s not delay the inevitable. Time for each of us to make out and address our Seasons Greetings cards — signing “Here’s Love!” (of course) on each of them. I’m taking out my address book so I can tell you what I have in there and what I’m missing. Maybe I’ll be able to help you with some addresses you need, and perhaps you’ll have some information that you’d like to share.

I do have the entire addresses for some people to whom I’m sending cards, like Esther Smith at 5135 Kensington Avenue and John Truett next door at 5133 Kensington Avenue — both of course, in St. Louis, MO 63121. Rose, Stuart and Noah Gellman are at 913 St. Anthony St., Lake Charles, LA 71254. As for Miss Flora Mezaros, I not only have her entire address — 307 West 4th Street, New York, NY 10014 — I also have directions for the person who delivers her mail: Get off at Sheridan Square, walk north.

But for others, finding the actual numbers for street addresses has been a problem. I know that David Kolowitz (the actor) is on 174th Street in the Bronx 10033 but I don’t know the house number, and that street is So Long. Still, those who deliver mail tend to know their routes inside out, so I’ll bet that the carrier will take my card right to his door. I’ve made the same assumption for others whose actual house and apartment numbers I don’t know (do you?), such as Ruth and Eileen Sherwood (Christopher Street, New York City, NY 10014); Mark Cohen and Roger Davis (11th Street at Avenue B, New York City, NY 10009); Mame Dennis Burnside (Beekman Place, New York, NY 10022); and Rosie Brice, no, not on Broadway, but Henry Street. Rudolph and all those waiters who are willing to jump and slide and risk their knees are at the Harmonia Gardens, which the postman can easily find with the help of the lights of 14th Street — and he’ll need all that light if he’s like the people who deliver my mail, all too late in the day. And, of course, we all now have a bunch of new friends who live on Avenue Q — at least until they all head out to Las Vegas. Wow! With so many cards to write out, stamp, and mail, I hope I get them done early enough so that Christmas Eve will get her card by Christmas Eve.

I don’t have an address for the Wizard of Oz, but I would like to send a card to that wizard of cosmetic surgery at Park and 73rd, New York, NY 10021; after all, he made Val so happy by keeping the best of her while doing the rest of her. Does anyone know his name and number? But I’m definitely not sending a card to his neighbor Oscar Lindquist at 411 East 74th Street. I’m still angry with the damn fool for breaking sweet Charity Hope Valentine’s heart.

I’m sending a card to Tateh, Mother, the Little Boy, and Coalhouse Walker III at the crest of the Broadview Avenue Hill in New Rochelle, New York 10802. Yes, I know they all moved to California, but I’m hoping that their mail will be forwarded. I’m also relying on the New Rochelle post office to know the specific address of the mansion where J. Pierrepont and Rosemary Pilkington Finch live.

Moving way out west past West End Avenue, I know that Motormouth and Seaweed are on North Avenue, Baltimore, MD 21216; Tony and Amy (a.k.a. Rosabella) Esposito are still at RFD 11, Napa Valley, CA 94574; and Gypsy with the Gold-Capped Tooth is at 34th and Vine, in Hollywood, CA 90028. The last (partial) address I have for Sammy and Linda Low Fong is Grant Avenue, San Francisco, California, USA 94101. I do believe that cards can be sent to Grant Avenue for Fan-Tan Fannie and Manny — that’s Manny-with-an-M, not Danny-with-a-D, for Fannie and Danny broke up long ago and I don’t have an address for him. But Mushnik and Son are still at 1313 Skid Row, albeit in the stomach of Audrey II, who still lives there.

There are some cards that I’ll have to send to General Delivery. I mean, I know that both Dr. Brock and Cockeyed Johnny Dembo went to Detroit after their less-than-successful stints in New York, but I don’t know precisely where they live in Motown. (That they’re both in the same city leads to some enticing scenarios; as Oscar Hammerstein II wondered of Anna and the King at the end of Act I of The King and I, “Who is taming whom?”)

For many others, I’m at a loss. I know that Norma Desmond doesn’t still live at 10086 Sunset Boulevard, Los Angeles, CA 90069, no more than Mrs. Lovett and Sweeney Todd are still on Fleet Street. But does anyone know how to reach Miss Hannigan, Rooster Hannigan, and Lily St. Regis? I know that they planned to move to Easy Street but that they didn’t get there. Nor did Sue and Sandor never made it to Salzburg by the sea. And who knows how to reach Frank Mills? I called Crissy, who met him one September 12 at the now-defunct Waverly, but she lost his address. Are Buddy and Sally Plummer still in Phoenix? Somehow I feel that if were to you write them at Lovers Lane in Loveland, your card will be returned “Address Unknown.” Ditto Ben and Phyllis Stone.

Before I write out any of those, I’d better send out the cards that need a little extra time because they’re going to faraway places, such as the one to Countess Aurelia at 21 Rue de Chaillot, 75058 Paris. I won’t forget my London pals, either, starting with Mrs. Walker at 22 Heathfield Gardens and Mrs. Johnstone at 65 Skelmersdale Lane. The Moulton-Barretts are at 50 Wimpole Street, near Oxford Street and Cavendish Square, West 1 — right down the block from Henry and Eliza Higgins at 27-A Wimpole Street. I also want to send some holiday cheer to Freddie Eynsford-Hill, so I’m sending it to that same address because I assume that he’s always on the street where they live.

And there’s one card that I’d better write out and mail tonight if it’s going to arrive on time; after all, mail deliveries to Neverland are few and far between, and I don’t quite have Peter Pan’s address. I hope that “Second star to the right and straight on till morning,” will swing it.

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[To contact Peter Filichia directly, e-mail him at pfilichia@theatermania.com]