Special Reports

Awkward Break-Up Stories With the Cast of Off-Broadway's Money Grubbin' Whores

If you thought you had some doozies, wait until you read these.

What is the price of love? That question is at the center of the new play, Money Grubbin' Whores, at the Lion Theatre. TheaterMania polled the show's four cast members to find out their thoughts on the subject…

James Andrew O'Connor
James Andrew O’Connor

James Andrew O’Connor (Frankie):
My wife, Tammy, and I had been dating for a short time and were spending a sunny day off together when I received a call from a former girlfriend. Things had ended amicably earlier that year and I had agreed to let my ex keep a piano, an old family heirloom, in my home. On this particular day, she was hoping to finally retrieve her piano with the help of her father. We ultimately decided that it might be best if she went about it alone with her father as to avoid the obvious discomfort that comes with hanging out with your ex's dad. So, Tammy and I decided to go out to dinner and let them go about their business.

Later that evening, Tammy and I found ourselves at a nice restaurant in our neighborhood and were just settling in for a nice meal when a text message popped up on my phone — "My father took your TV. There is nothing I can do about it."

The moment was reminiscent of Martin Scorcese's scene from Goodfellas when De Niro, as Jimmy Conway, learns that his pal Tommy has been whacked — "He's gone…And we couldn't do nutting' about it…" Well, unlike De Niro, I didn't destroy any phone booths, but it is safe to say that I am no longer welcome in that restaurant. When the dust settled and I stopped seeing red, Tammy and I decided to let it go. There was clearly some confusion as to "who was owed what" in my former relationship; at the end of the day, the price of a new TV was much less than the aggravation of a battle with a misinformed father.

Bottom line: as I'm writing this all down, I am sitting with my beautiful wife, two-month-old daughter, and my spectacular newer, larger TV…and all is right in my world.

'''Adam Mucci
Adam Mucci

Adam Mucci (Matt):
I’ve been happily married for 13 years and have two great kids, so I’ve been (thankfully) out of the dating game for a while. I do have one scary break-up story, which is why I am so thankful to be in a great, healthy and happy relationship. When I was in college, my girlfriend at the time tried to get pregnant (I know!?!) so that I would stay with her. When I caught wind of her scheme, I quickly broke things off but unfortunately she didn’t want to let go. She essentially stalked me for months after the break-up. I once caught her outside my apartment – looking through the window — while my buddies and I were playing video games. I actually shudder when I think about it. So thanks for making me dredge this one up.

'''Carmit Levité
Carmit Levité

Carmit Levité (Aviva):
He was an "artist." The overly brooding kind. I went with my cousin and two of his friends for a fun day at the Russian Baths in Brooklyn. That’s how we met. We all sauntered from sauna to steam room to other schvitz chambers. At some point I dunked into a tiny ice-cold water pool for a quick cool-off. He, the artist, jumped in with me. My first instinct said: Get him out and stay away! (Always listen to your first instinct, girls and boys.)

Later on, the boy asked me out. I said no for three months — then finally acquiesced.

Persistence was worthy in his case.

We lived together half-time. The other half he worked alone in his studio upstate. Brooding. (And painting.) I actually managed to convince myself that I loved him for a bit. And he never ceased to woo. My flower vase was never empty. But, five months later, when I confessed my love, suddenly I wasn’t hearing from him all day. Not even a text — till after midnight. Some boys just prefer the hunt.

One day, I had a terrible experience at work. He was upstate. I Skyped him to share what happened, to which he replied "You have fifteen minutes to tell me, 'cause the paint on my canvas is drying."

…And that was the cue. We broke up. (First Instinct took a puff of its cigar, and said, "Told you.")
When I asked him to take his stuff out of our — now my — apartment, he never came. Six weeks later I gave him a deadline. And when the deadline passed, his stuff was still there.

That’s when I sent him the mail: "Half of your stuff is where we first met, some where we first kissed, and the rest is now a rather successful art exhibit in Chelsea."

OK, that was wishful thinking. In reality I packed his stuff in garbage bags and left them in our building’s storage. Till today, I WISH I did the former. But I made the "good girl’s" choice. Quel dommage.

Beware the overly brooding artists, ladies and gentleman. But if you do give in, and they go from Artist to Brooding-Overtime, have a fifteen-minute break-up speech. That way his painting is saved — and you are out of the frame.

'''Penny Bittone
Penny Bittone

Penny Bittone (Moshe):
It should be noted that I am now happily married and have a beautiful three-month-old son, so, my story goes back about 22 years; although I have a few doozies, it’s the only one I can share. I was 18 years old and living in L.A., where I grew up. Basically, I had been in a fairly long relationship for me — about a year — when it abruptly ended. I honestly don't remember why we broke up, but it probably had something to do with me messing around with other girls prior to our relationship officially ending. And while the relationship may not have had a lasting mark on me, the same cannot be said for the girl I was dating: prior to the break-up, she got a tattoo of a very well-known nut emblem on her upper thigh — the same nut that inspired my nickname throughout high school. So, that was awkward.

Featured In This Story

Closed: October 19, 2014