Note to William Torbert Leonard: Glory Days closed after one performance.

Now who, you ask, is William Torbert Leonard, and why would this fact about the new (and now old) musical that played the Circle-in-the-Square be of any interest to him?

Back in 1986, Leonard wrote a book called Once Was Enough. The 282-page book finishes with 74 pages of indices, but the first 208 detail every Broadway show – each comedy, musical, and drama - that managed to last all of one performance.

From the 1923-24 season -- when something called The Road Together made the mistake of debuting -- right up to 1983-1984 -- when The Guys in the Truck opened on June 19, 1983 and then immediately called it a life – Leonard details 108 one-night flops, giving the casts and credits, describing the plots, and then telling some of the critical responses.

Some of those responses were quite severe. Here, in alphabetical order (as the book is arranged), are some of the excerpts from the less-than-gracious notices.

Abraham Cochrane (Feb. 17, 1964) - “I shall suggest to the editors of the World Almanac that they include it in that section of the book that lists the year’s greatest catastrophes” (Nadel, World-Telegram & Sun)

Animals (April 22, 1981) - “So detached from any known reality that the audience might just as well be staring in a void.” (Rich, Times)

Beyond Evil (June 7, 1926) - “When the final curtain mercifully came down, the audience silenced a smattering of polite applause with a lusty chorus of boos, usually reserved for the Yankee Stadium when Ruth strikes out with the bases full. That response was less unique than the happenings that were set forth on stage.” (Atkinson, Times)

Billy, a musical version of Herman Melville’s Billy Budd (March 22, 1969) - “If the book is unfair to Melville, the music and lyrics positively insult his genius. They are graffiti on the wall of literature.” (Barnes, Times)

Fame - not the musical, but a comedy (Nov. 18, 1974) - “A mistake that withered a long, slow death. The best part of this limp rag of a comedy, based on the life and times of Marilyn Monroe, came at intermission, watching the stagehands shift furniture.” (Barnes, Times)

Fickle Women (Dec. 15, 1937) - “One trouble with the dramatist is that he writes as if he’s never been inside a theater.” (Brown, Post)

First One Asleep, Whistle (Feb. 26, 1966) - “The audience deserves an apology.” (Kauffman, Times). “If this were Europe, the audience would have hissed and thrown things, and more power to them. We spineless Yankees just sit there, suppressed by boredom, and too meek to take our vengeance.” (Nadel, World-Telegram & Sun)

Gantry (Feb. 14, 1970) - “Robert Shaw and Rita Moreno were so miscast as the evangelist and Sister Sharon that if a collection had been taken during the revival meeting scene, the plates would have remained empty.” (Watt, News)

Happiness Is Just a Little Thing Called a Rolls-Royce (May 11, 1968) - “As contrived and mechanical a farce as ever sent a summer-circuit crowd to counting the mosquitoes on the ceiling.” (Sullivan, Times)

Have I Got a Girl for You! (Dec. 2, 1963) - “Irving Cooper, the author of this labored clammy effort, shares the credit with his wife, on the grounds that he based it on her story. It would have been more gallant of him not to mention her.” (Taubman, Times)

I Won’t Dance (May 10, 1981) - “May I suggest that you arrive at the theater armed with ear plugs and a good book?” (Rich, Times)

Julia, Jake, and Uncle Joe (Jan. 28, 1961) - “A comedy that might be described as suffering from malnutrition of the typewriter.” (Schier, Bulletin)

Kelly (Feb. 6, 1965) – “The new musical isn’t the worst you can imagine, though you might have to stop and think a while to come up with its peer.” (Watts, Post)

Little Johnny Jones, starring Donny Osmond (March 21, 1982) – “Miscasting could have gone no further.” (Barnes, Post)

Me and Thee (Dec. 7, 1965 - incidentally, the 24th anniversary of the attack on Pearl Harbor) – “Not for Thou.” (Nadel, World-Telegram & Sun)

Moose Murders (Feb. 22, 1983) – “Oh, I don’t have to cite the reviews from this one; we know them all by heart.” (Filichia, Theatermania.com)

A Murderer among Us (March 25, 1964) – “At the end of the play, we are told that everyone is guilty. I do hope that includes the playwright and the director.” (Kerr, Herald-Tribune)

Rainbow Jones, with book, music, and lyrics by Jill Williams (Feb. 13, 1974) - “For the common good, Miss Williams should be denied access to either a typewriter or a musical instrument of any kind.” (Watt, News)

Stages (March 19, 1978) - “The play was so bad that even Richard Foreman’s direction - which consists of applying certain antiquated and tiresome avant-garde devices arbitrarily to any material that comes to hand - was a welcome relief.” (Simon, New York); “Its finest moment was its final curtain.” (Barnes, Post)

Step on a Crack (Oct. 17, 1962) - “Ridiculous, over-blown, and downright embarrassing. Playwright Evslin has written an impossible play, a stupid play, and by posturing as some kind of poet of the peat bogs, he has outraged the beauty of language.” (Nadel, World-Telegram & Sun)

The Sunday Man (May 13, 1964) - “A play in which three of the male actors lose their pants. I leave you to guess what’s going to happen to the producers’ shirts.” (Kerr, Herald-Tribune)

Tricks of the Trade, about the C.I.A. and the K.G.B: “So limp that it makes the Cold War seem slightly less exciting than Bowling for Dollars.” (Rich, Times)

Truly Valiant (Jan. 9, 1936) - “A Pulitzer Prize or similar award should be given to the actors, for they gave an exhibition of courage in the face of calamity.” (Hammond, Herald-Tribune)

A Warm Body (April 15, 1967) - “Peter Van Zandt directed as if he’d fallen asleep listening to it.” (Watt, News)

Wild and Wonderful (Dec. 7, 1971 - incidentally, the 30th anniversary of the attack on Pearl Harbor)- “A show that insults the intelligence - a terrible and witless show ... The kind of show that sends you back to television - or, if that’s too radical - to television commercials.” (Barnes, Times)

Since Leonard wrote his book, four more shows lasted one performance. The 1984 revival of Take Me Along, The Apple Doesn’t Fall …, and The Oldest Living Confederate Widow Tells All, and now Glory Days. I do not know if Leonard is dead or alive, but if he’s still with us, I’m hoping for a second edition of Once Was Enough.

You may reach Peter Filichia at pfilichia@aol.com