With the nearing-its-end run essentially sold out, Betrayal is hands-down the hottest ticket in town. Starring celebrity couple Daniel Craig and Rachel Weisz, the Pinter classic, told backward in time, follows a married couple marred by infidelity. If you ever find yourself in a similar situation, check out these songs for emotional closure...and to give you something to cathartically belt out in your bedroom.
1. '"Pretty Funny" — Dogfight
If you're feeling lousy because you learned that you were asked out only because you're ugly and your date needed you so he could win an ugliest-date contest, then listen to Benj Pasek and Justin Paul's "Pretty Funny" from the musical Dogfight and weep. The best part about singing this song is that "you'll wake up sometime tomorrow and forget to even care." (How dare anyone make Lindsay Mendez cry?!?)
2. "Cell Block Tango" — Chicago
Did your lover tell you he was single, but was in fact a Mormon with six wives? Did your husband accuse you of screwing the milkman? Was your lover artistically inclined to sleep with more than one person? Did you find your husband in a compromising position with your sister, or maybe he just chewed his gum too damn loud? Then John Kander and Fred Ebb's "Cell Block Tango" from Chicago is for you! Just don't take their advice literally.
3. "And I Am Telling You" — Dreamgirls
If your lover and manager dumped you for one of your closest friends, and then had you replaced in the singing group you started, give them something to regret by belting this torch song at full volume. Make it known that no matter how many mountains he tears down, or how much he yells, screams, and shouts, you aren't going anywhere. This song is also perfect for adding riffs where there never was a riff — you might even win a Tony and an Oscar for it.
4. "Could I Leave You?" — Follies
Get this: You drag your husband to an old reunion of showgirls at a theater that is about to become a parking lot, and suddenly he wants you to leave him because he's rekindled his affair with your ex-best friend, a dainty little housewife who wore a prom dress to the reunion. (No class!) After all you've done for him, given dinner parties and fetched his pills, all of the lies and all of the mind games? No more! Turn those tables and tell him how he'd have to pay (literally) if you left and instead leave him guessing if you'll stay.
5. "Betrayed" — The Producers
You and your accountant concoct an elaborate scheme to make money quickly by investing in a Broadway show certain to flop, when suddenly, it becomes a commercial hit. Your partner-in-crime betrays you and runs off with the star of the show. Ready to lament a partnership gone south (literally, to Brazil), put on those tap shoes and burst into "Betrayed" from Mel Brooks' The Producers. And then maybe get a new accountant. Just in case.
6. "If (You Hadn't But You Did)" — Two on the Aisle
If your husband has two tickets to see South Pacific on Broadway and he didn't take you, then you must take action. Sing "If (You Hadn't But You Did)" from the musical revue Two on the Aisle after you exact your revenge. Don't let anyone get between you and a Rodgers & Hammerstein musical.
7. "Still Hurting" — The Last Five Years
"Still Hurting" from Jason Robert Brown's The Last Five Years is for all you struggling actresses out there who are stuck in community theater, waiting for your big break. If your successful author husband can't spend a day with you on your birthday, then take a cue from The Last Five Years and level him on a pier with this rage-filled ballad. (And, if this show teaches the spouses out there anything, it's don't ditch your wife's birthday.)
8. "Surabaya Johnny" — Happy End
Many times in relationships, we hope to better and change our significant others. However, sometimes they relapse into their life of debauchery and thievery. If that's the case, channel your inner Meryl Streep (who was the first to sing this song on Broadway) and hit those notes of "Surabaya Johnny," tinged with melancholy. Bonus points for singing it in a different accent each time.
9. "I Know the Truth" — Aida
If you're getting ready to marry the captain of the Egyptian army and he suddenly falls in love with a Nubian women, and you happen to overhear a conversation that makes you realize your upcoming marriage is a sham, "I Know the Truth" from Elton John's reimagining of Aida is for you. On the bright side, you'll end up becoming a Pharaoh, so it's not all that bad.
- The Last Five Years
- Daniel Craig
- Rachel Weisz
- The Producers
- Happy End
- Two on the Aisle
Don't show this again.