Where Are They Now?

So there I was in Wayne, New Jersey, seeing a production of Wendy Wasserstein’s An American Daughter, a play I wish I could admire more. But I do like the line that’s said by a university professor who wrote an important textbook — once upon a time, very long ago. As he says with bitter irony, “I was recently featured in a ‘Where Are They Now?’ column.”

Ah, “Where Are They Now?” It’s a question often asked of the once-illustrious who have since faded. Books upon books have been written on the subject, though I don’t often see people with Broadway credentials mentioned. They’re filled with plenty of names from film (Debra Paget), TV (Marcia Wallace), sports (Joe Pepitone), politics (Gary Hart), but — as is so often the case with the entertainment industry — names from Broadway aren’t often included. So I took it upon myself to rectify that serious omission and find out what has happened since we last saw certain folks between 41st and 54th Streets.

Many have, alas, gone to their final rewards. Joe Boyd died of a broken heart in 1972, when the Senators left Washington and headed for Arlington, Texas. Oscar Lindquist got trapped in another elevator and dropped dead of apoplexy before he could be rescued. Hinesy is resting comfortably in the grave he’d dug for himself. But Peggy Sawyer is happily retired at the Actors’ Home in Englewood, New Jersey, as is Belle Poitrine, who tells me that she just passed her 60th birthday (I’d say she’s fibbing). Fred Graham’s still at it, though; he was recently in Kentucky playing Baptista in a production of The Taming of the Shrew “and glad to get the work,” he says. And how about all those people we met on the chorus line? I couldn’t find many, but I did learn that Mike Costa, 53, is now married and fat. Sheila Bryant is going to be 60 real soon, and she told me that she’s real glad (though I think she was being sarcastic). Wang Ta started a nightclub but it didn’t work out, as you probably heard. Still performing are Jerry Lukowski, Dave Bukatinsky, Ethan Girard, Harold Nichols, Malcolm MacGregor, and Noah “Horse” T. Simmons, who have starred in a number of films — most notably Surprised Coed and Bubba’s Big Night. Neither was directed by Guido Contini, who will soon helm his 19th movie (a biopic of Barry White) after he recovers from his vasectomy.

Prudie and Rhetta Cupp are still working at the Double Cupp Diner, along with Betty Rizzo. “There are worse things I could do,” says Betty with a shrug. Crissy did not wind up with Frank Mills but with Nelson Rockefeller VI, and has been quite active in Republican fund-raisers. Speaking of Republicans, a much older Walter Lee Younger is very proud that his son Travis Younger now owns a company that is the nation’s largest producer of raisins. “Who knew that there’d be grapes growing on that sidewalk tree?” says Walter Lee with self-satisfaction.

Not doing nearly as well in business is Bud Frump, who’s worked as an incinerator operator, newspaper stuffer, asbestos remover, and porta-potty cleaner; now he retrieves shopping carts for a major supermarket chain. But he’s actually doing better than his former rival, J. Pierrepont Finch, who was just paroled after serving a 20-year sentence for some white-collar crime. Meanwhile, Miss Mona, who ran for President of the United States in 1994 (but you knew that), now has a public access talk show in Texas which she shares with her former nemesis, Melvin P. Thorpe. “Hey,” she says, “it’s just whoring myself out in another way. Besides, Roxie and Velma were hardly kissin’ cousins and had a big vaudeville career together, so if they can team up, why can’t Mel and I?”

We last saw many couples right after they’d been married, or in the first flush of their love. Alas, not all of the marriages endured happily. After the reconciliation, Tess Harding and Sam Craig lasted all of 17 more days as husband-and-wife. Margy Frake and Pat Gilbert split pretty quickly, too. As she says, “You meet at a state fair and you think it’s going to be fireworks forever. But each evening with Pat wasn’t a grand night for singing.” Bobby, that previously confirmed old bachelor who claimed he really wanted someone to make him feel alive, did get married — and married, and married as much as Rose. But (sweet) Charity Hope Valentine and her husband will soon celebrate their 30th wedding anniversary. So will Kim McAfee Peabody and her husband Hugo, both of whom are now pushing 60. Kim says she’s sorry to hear that Conrad Birdie “wound up as big as a house somewhere in Arizona. But I should talk,” she adds with a laugh, patting her prodigious belly. Kim said that during the ’80s craze for boy bands, she drove her three daughters all over Ohio to see the latest teen idols. “I understand; I remember,” she explains with a fond look on her crinkly face.

Vernon Gersch and Sonia Walsk are still together as a couple, though not as songwriters. He still writes and has an occasional hit, but she’s now a lost and found agent at an airport. “I truly adore Sonia,” says Gersch, “but she really was a terrible lyricist.” Still together, too are Jeff and Ella Peterson Moss. He became a director who’s staged many musicals around the country and she made a fortune via her shrewd investment in telephone answering machines. “I saw the handwriting on the wall at Susanswerphone,” she says. Working for her now is her cousin Sue. “Well,” Ella says, “she was there for me when I needed a job.” And remember Pam and Nick Sakarian? Once they stopped obsessing about having a baby, they relaxed and actually had one.

What of Josh Baskin, who eight years ago gave up being “big” and reverted to his 13-year-old self? “I studied like a madman all through high school to go to a good college and worked at a local Wendy’s for minimum wage,” he says. “I didn’t get any of the scholarships I was hoping for but I did get into George Washington University, where I’ll graduate with a BFA in June. I’ve sent out my résumé to hundreds of corporations but I’m not getting any interviews. What a jerk I was to quit that cushy job I had with MacMillan & Company.”

Finally: I haven’t heard a thing about Tommy Albright since he relocated from New York, and I suspect that you haven’t, either; still, I can pinpoint where he is now. I won’t be here when he makes his next appearance in 2047, but I’ll ask my younger readers to say hello for me when Brigadoon comes alive once more.

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[To contact Peter Filichia directly, e-mail him at pfilichia@theatermania.com]