The 2004 Broadway University Entrance Exam
With the school year right around the corner, the time has come for those of you who are interested in attending Broadway University to take your entrance exams. This year’s test will stress grammar; you’ll be asked to cite the error in a sentence and then correct it.
Sample Example: “He whispers, ‘You’re the one to who I give my heart.”
Sample Answer: It’s not, “To who I give my heart”; it’s “To WHOM I give my heart.” You see, with the use of the preposition “to,” “who” becomes the indirect object, making the use of the word “whom” absolutely imperative.
If you got that one, fine — but it’s not enough to gain admittance into Broadway University. You’ll also be required to identify the source of each quotation. (The source of the Sample Example is “100 Easy Ways” from Wonderful Town.) So you’ll get two points for citing and correcting the error, and another two points when you identify both the song and the show from which the sentence comes. Ready? Here we go.
- “But every whippoorwill is selling me a bill, and telling me it just ain’t so.”
- “The vittles we et were good, you bet.”
- “It’s a scandal! It’s a outrage!”
- “There are good stones and bad stones and curbstones and Gladstones and touchstones and such stones as them.”
- “Strut down the street and have your picture took.”
- “So take back your mink to from whence it came.”
- “Her is a kinda doll what drives a fella bats, isn’t her?”
- “God don’t answer prayers a lot.”
- “Who can I turn to when nobody needs me?”
- “After all those years being stuck on a page, did you ever imagine you’d see me onstage?”
- “Everybody’s got the right to their dreams.”
- “And though scary is exciting, nice is different than good.”
- “Me up all night honking me horn to porn, porn, porn.”
- “Always drunk the water from the finger bowl.”
- “And please don’t show me no tattoos, no hearts and flowers on your thighs.”
- “Scarlet, honey, it’s high time you knew that our town was founded by that beloved man a-settin’ up there on that horse.”
- “That’s who she am!”
- “I’m gonna learn ya the lessons that concern ya.”
- “You got she! You got we!”
- “Up is where to grow; up with which below can’t compare with.”
- “One time he said, ‘May I suggest you call a lady’s chest a chest, instead of her points of interest?’ Dainty, ain’t he?”
- “She’s talked about it half a week! What a girl! Quite unique.”
- “A lady does not discuss her personal affairs with them what ain’t intimately involved.”
- “A guy said you weren’t fit for pigs down Harry’s bar.”
- “By rights, she should be taken out and hung for the cold-blooded murder of the English tongue.”
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[To contact Peter Filichia directly, e-mail him at pfilichia@theatermania.com]
