Millie passed The Speed Test ...But can YOU pass Filichia’s test?
Millie passed The Speed Test ...
But can YOU pass Filichia’s test?
Well, now that another season has come to an end, it's time for Broadway University's annual final exam. Let's see how well you do. (You okay, honey? You mustn't be discouraged. Who can? You can!)

     1. Who coaxed the blues right out of the horn?
     2. Who charmed the husk right off of the corn?
(Note: You can use an answer more than once.)
     3. Who's that girl with the permanent wave and the dress below her knees?
     4. Who taught her everything she knows?
     5. Do you ever dream of Vienna?
     6. Do you ever go to Boston?
     7. How are things in Glocca Morra?
     8. How far is it to the next town?
     9. Why do the wrong people travel?
     10. And where's that soggy plain?
     11. How do you raise a barn?
     12. Do you wanna go to heaven?
     13. How do you speak to an angel?
     14. Why God, why?
     15. What is a man?
     16. What do you think about men?
     17. What can you do with a man?
     18. What do you give to a man who's had everything?
     19. Who is Silvia?
     20. Who's doing what to Erwin?
     21. Who's this geezer Hitler?
     22. How did they build Titanic?
     23. Have you ever seen a prettier little congress?
     24. Who's got the pain when they do the mambo?
     25. Why can't the English teach their children how to speak?
     26. Why can't we all be nice?
     27. Why must the show go on?
     28. Where are the snows of yesteryear?
     29. Where is the warmth?
     30. Ain't it awful, the heat?
     31. Where's that rainbow?
     32. How deep is the ocean?
     33. How high is the sky?
     34. How do you talk to a girl?
     35. How can love survive?
     36. Do black patent leather shoes reflect up?
     37. Can you feel the love tonight?
     38. Do you hear the people sing?
     39. Does you mother know?
     40. How long must this go on?

Identify these women:
     1. Bianca
     2. Bloody Mary
     3. Flaemmchen
     4. Flaming Agnes
     5. Ilona
     6. Johanna
     7-8. Lucy and Jessie
     9. Melisande
     10. Miss Marmelstein

Identify these men:
     1. Elliott Garfield
     2. Franklin Shepard, Inc.
     3. Joe Worker
     4. Johnny One-Note
     5. Joseph Taylor, Jr.
     6. Mack the Knife
     7. Marvin
     8. Mr. Cellophane

Which shows contain these songs about money?
     1. "I've Got a Penny"
     2. "Money Isn't Everything"
     3. "The Nickel Under Your Foot"
     4. "Yankee Dollar"

Which shows contain these numbers about states?
     1. "Alabama Song"
     2. "All I Owe Ioway"
     3. "Arkansas"
     4. "Maine"
     5. "Montana Chem"

Which shows contain these numbers that use foreign phrases?
     1. "Bonjour, Amour"
     2. "C'est Moi"
     3. "Chanson"
     4. "Dites-Moi"
     5. "Goodbye, Canavaro"
     6. "Grand Imperial Cirque de Paris"
     7. "La Vie Boheme"
     8. "Meeskite"
     9. "Mene, Mene, Tekel"
     10. "Merci, Madame"

Which shows contain these numbers that celebrate New York?
     1. "At the Roxy Music Hall"
     2. "Christopher Street"
     3. "Don't Forget 127th Street"
     4. "Every Street's a Boulevard in Old New York"
     5. "Henry Street"

Which shows contain these numbers that mention animals?
     1. "Big Mole"
     2. "Buffalo Nickel Photoplay, Inc."
     3. "Eager Beaver"
     4. "The Eagle and Me"
     5. "The Elephant Song"
     6. "Four Black Dragons"
     7. "Green Finch and Linnet Bird"
     8. "A Hand for the Hog"
     9. "I'm Like the Bluebird"
     10. "Lion Tamer"
     11. "The Lion Sleeps Tonight"
     12. "Little Bird, Little Bird"
     13. "Little Green Snake"

Which shows contain these numbers that mention body parts?
     1. "Arm in Arm"
     2. "Bosom Buddies"
     3. "Dimples"
     4. "The Human Heart"
     5. "I Made a Fist"
     6. "I Put My Hand In"
     7. "Fanny"

Which shows contain these numbers that mention food and drink?
     1. "Cherry Pies Ought to Be You"
     2. "Chop Suey"
     3. "Chrysanthemum Tea"
     4. "The Egg"
     5. "Forbidden Fruit"
     6. "Ice Cream"
     7. "Little Biscuit"
     8. "Meat and Potatoes"
     9. "Molasses to Rum"
     10. "No More Candy"

Which shows contain these numbers that mention occupations?
     1. "Dentist!"
     2. "An English Teacher"
     3. "Everyone Tells Jason to See a Psychiatrist"
     4. "I Love a Cop"
     5. "A Little Priest"
     6. "The Miller's Son"
     7. "A Mover's Life"
     8. "My Son, the Lawyer"
     9. "Neat to be a Newsboy"
     10. "Never, Never Be an Artist"

Which shows contain these numbers that use numbers?
     1. "Five Zeros"
     2. "All You Need is a Quarter"
     3. "One"
     4. "Two Lost Souls"
     5. "Nine O'Clock"
     6. "13 Daughters"
     7. "24 Hours a Day"
     8. "Hundreds of Girls"
     9. "Fifty Million Years Ago"
     10. "A Hundred Million Miracles"

And speaking of numbers, here's a musical math problem:

First, take the amount of money that the kids fantasize about in The Me Nobody Knows.

Divide it by the number of dollars that Mrs. Primrose is allegedly giving to Oscar Jaffe in On the Twentieth Century.

Multiply it by the year that New Faces featured the song "Love Is a Simple Thing."

Divide by the number of "black dragons" seen in Pacific Overtures.

Subtract the number of ways that Ruth could lose a man in Wonderful Town.

Divide by the number that the agent sang about until both he and the song were dropped from Chicago.

Add the number of the street mentioned in the name of David Merrick's final hit.

Subtract the number of trombones celebrated in The Music Man.

Divide by the number of gentlemen cited in the Tony-winning musical of 1971-72.

Multiply by the number of growing boys mentioned by the Marx Brothers' mother in Minnie's Boys.

Multiply by the number of months out of every year that frustrate Meg Boyd in Damn Yankees.

Divide by the percentage number (not the percentage, but only the number) that Bea sang about at the end of Ballroom.

Multiply by the number of minutes the prince sings about to Cinderella in the Rodgers and Hammerstein musical.

Divide by the number of fans mentioned in the opening number of The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas.

Subtract the number of days till Christmas first cited by the shoppers in She Loves Me.

Divide by the name of the Tony-winning 1981-82 Best Musical.

Add the number of daughters mentioned in the title of a 1961 musical that came to Broadway from Hawaii.

Divide by the number of ladies with whom the Emcee cavorts in Cabaret.

Multiply by the number of cents per dance mentioned in the Rodgers and Hart song from Simple Simon.

Divide by the batting average that Rose says she'll bat from now on in "Rose's Turn."

What's the answer?

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[To contact Peter Filichia directly, e-mail him at pfilichia@aol.com]