Broadway University’s Final Exam Answers

Some days ago, I thought I’d have some fun making up some questions for a quiz centered on Broadway musicals. The first 40 questions really were jokes, for there really are no definitive answers for such questions as “Have you ever seen a prettier little congress?” — which was just my way of acknowledging a song from The Rothschilds. The tail wagged the dog in the Top 40 questions, for all I was doing was looking for songs or lyrics that asked Who, What, Where, Why, How, Do, and Can.

Everyone got “Who coaxed the blues right out of the horn?” (Mame) and “Who charmed the husk right off of the corn?” (Mame), as well as “Who’s that girl with the permanent wave and the dress below her knees?” (Margo Channing in Applause) and “Who taught her everything she knows?” (Rosie Brice and Eddie Ryan in Funny Girl). After that, the deluge. Steve Rosenthal and Susan Berlin took the first 40 questions not at face value, but assumed I was asking from what shows these song titles or lyrics came — e.g., for “Do you wanna go to heaven?” they answered Big River, and for “How do you speak to an angel?” they said Hazel Flagg. Using that standard, they got every one right.

There were readers like Kevin Dawson, though, who were in a wonderfully fanciful mood. I’ll tell you some of his best answers.

“Do you ever dream of Vienna?” (actually from Little Mary Sunshine): “Sure, it’s drafty here in Colorado (and Mary Sunshine gets on my nerves).”

“How are things in Glocca Morra?” (Finian’s Rainbow): “Beats me, for I’ve only been down to Donegal, Killibane, Kilkenny, and Kildare.”

“How far is it to the next town?” (Lolita, My Love): “Too far with jailbait in the back seat and with Quilty following.”

“Do you wanna go to heaven?” (Big River): “Yeah, but Aunt Polly don’t understand that heaven for me is bein’ alone in that cave with Tom.”

“Who’s doing what to Erwin? (Let It Ride) “Oh, let it ride. He’ll turn up in time for Flutterby’s race.” (Note: Tom Stretton expressed delight that I mentioned this song, for he said decades had passed since he’d thought about this tune or the 1961 musical from which it came.)

“Who’s this geezer Hitler?” (Blitz) “A nasty little basket with a black mustache,” he wrote, quoting Lionel Bart’s lyric.

“Who’s got the pain when they do the mambo?” (Damn Yankees): “I don’t know who; do you?” he wrote, quoting Adler and Ross’ lyric.

“How can love survive?” (The Sound of Music): “In garret rooms, where lovers starve and snuggle.”

Now for the answers to the others:

Identify these women:
     1. Bianca (Lois Lane in Kiss Me, Kate)
     2. Bloody Mary (the wheeler-dealer in South Pacific)
     3. Flaemmchen (the ingenue in Grand Hotel)
     4. Flaming Agnes (the hot-and-bothered housewife in I Do! I Do!)
     5. Ilona (the hard-luck lady in She Loves Me)
     6. Johanna (the virgin in Sweeney Todd)
     7-8. Lucy and Jessie (Phyllis’ alter-egos in Follies)
     9. Melisande (Starbuck’s fanciful name for Lizzie in 110 in the Shade)
     10. Miss Marmelstein (Streisand character in I Can Get It for You Wholesale. Many gave her first and middle names — Yetta Tessye.)

Identify these men:
     1. Elliott Garfield (the hero of The Goodbye Girl)
     2. Franklin Shepard, Inc. (the man who became a conglomerate in Merrily We Roll Along)
     3. Joe Worker (David Hughes thought Joe Worker referred to the retired man who sings the excellent Craig Carnelia song “Joe” in Working. Good inference, but I was thinking of the song in The Cradle Will Rock.)
     4. Johnny One-Note (a person referred to in Babes in Arms)
     5. Joseph Taylor, Jr. (the hero of Allegro)
     6. Mack the Knife (the anti-hero of The Threepenny Opera)
     7. Marvin (the hero in Falsettos)
     8. Mr. Cellophane (Amos Hart’s perception of himself in Chicago)

Which shows contain these songs about money?
     1. “I’ve Got a Penny” (Breakfast at Tiffany’s)
     2. “Money Isn’t Everything” (Allegro)
     3. “The Nickel Under the Foot” (The Cradle Will Rock)
     4. “Yankee Dollar” (Jamaica)

Which shows contain these numbers about states?
     1. “Alabama Song” (The Rise and Fall of the City of Mahagonny)
     2. “All I Owe Ioway” (State Fair)
     3. “Arkansas” (Big River)
     4. “Maine” (No Strings)
     5. “Montana Chem” (Saturday Night)

Which shows contain these numbers that use foreign phrases?
     1. “Bonjour, Amour” (Grand Hotel)
     2. “C’est Moi” (Camelot)
     3. “Chanson” (The Baker’s Wife)
     4. “Dites-Moi” (South Pacific)
     5. “Goodbye, Canavaro” (Zorba)
     6. “Grand Imperial Cirque de Paris” (Carnival!)
     7. “La Vie Boheme” (Rent)
     8. “Meeskite” (Cabaret — at least originally)
     9. “Mene, Mene, Tekel” (Pins and Needles)
     10. “Merci, Madame” (The Baker’s Wife)

Which shows contain these numbers that celebrate New York?
     1. “At the Roxy Music Hall” (I Married an Angel)
     2. “Christopher Street” (Wonderful Town)
     3. “Don’t Forget 127th Street” (Golden Boy)
     4. “Every Street’s a Boulevard in Old New York” (Hazel Flagg)
     5. “Henry Street” (Funny Girl)

Which shows contain these numbers that mention animals?
     1. “Big Mole” (Lost in the Stars)
     2. “Buffalo Nickel Photoplay, Inc.” (Ragtime)
     3. “Eager Beaver” (No Strings)
     4. “The Eagle and Me” (Bloomer Girl)
     5. “The Elephant Song” (70, Girls, 70)
     6. “Four Black Dragons” (Pacific Overtures)
     7. “Green Finch and Linnet Bird” (Sweeney Todd)
     8. “A Hand for the Hog” (Big River)
     9. “I’m Like the Bluebird” (Anyone Can Whistle)
     10. “Lion Tamer” (The Magic Show)
     11. “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” (The Lion King)
     12. “Little Bird, Little Bird” (Man of La Mancha)
     13. “Little Green Snake” (Take Me Along)

Which shows contain these numbers that mention body parts?
     1. “Arm in Arm” (Here’s Love)
     2. “Bosom Buddies” (Mame)
     3. “Dimples” (Little Me)
     4. “The Human Heart” (Once on This Island)
     5. “I Made a Fist” (The Most Happy Fella)
     6. “I Put My Hand In” (Hello, Dolly!)
     7. “Fanny” (Fanny) — though Josh Ellis correctly complained, “I must take exception to your calling ‘Fanny’ a part of the human body, for it was a character’s name. Well, it’s part of David Merrick’s ‘body’ of work, but no one ever said he was human.” Someone else who shall remain nameless asked if I had anything in mind when I lumped numbers 5-6-7 in a row. I will take a polygraph test to prove I most certainly didn’t.

Which shows contain these numbers that mention food and drink?
     1. “Cherry Pies Ought to Be You” (Out of This World)
     2. “Chop Suey” (Flower Drum Song)
     3. “Chrysanthemum Tea” (Pacific Overtures)
     4. “The Egg” (1776)
     5. “Forbidden Fruit” (The Apple Tree)
     6. “Ice Cream” (She Loves Me)
     7. “Little Biscuit” (Jamaica)
     8. “Meat and Potatoes” (Mr. President)
     9. “Molasses to Rum” (1776)
     10. “No More Candy” (She Loves Me)

Which shows contain these numbers that mention occupations?
     1. “Dentist!” (Little Shop of Horrors)
     2. “An English Teacher” (Bye Bye Birdie)
     3. “Everyone Tells Jason to See a Psychiatrist” (Falsettos)
     4. “I Love a Cop” (Fiorello!)
     5. “A Little Priest” (Sweeney Todd)
     6. “The Miller’s Son” (A Little Night Music)
     7. “A Mover’s Life” (I Love My Wife)
     8. “My Son, the Lawyer” (A Family Affair)
     9. “Neat to be a Newsboy” (Working)
     10. “Never, Never Be an Artist” (Can-Can)

Which shows contain these numbers that use numbers?
     1. “Five Zeros” (On the Twentieth Century)
     2. “All You Need is a Quarter” (Do Re Mi)
     3. “One” (A Chorus Line)
     4. “Two Lost Souls” (Damn Yankees)
     5. “Nine O’Clock” (Take Me Along)
     6. “13 Daughters” (13 Daughters)
     7. “24 Hours a Day” (Golden Rainbow)
     8. “Hundreds of Girls” (Mack & Mabel)
     9. “Fifty Million Years Ago” (Celebration)
     10. “A Hundred Million Miracles” (Flower Drum Song)

And speaking of numbers, I also posed a musical math problem that started, “First, take the amount of money that the kids fantasize about in The Me Nobody Knows.” That raised the ire of Val Addams, who sniffed, “I know every answer to your math question, but the first one. Next time, why don’t you just start with Gospel at Colonus?”

Well, the amount of money that the kids fantasize about in The Me Nobody Knows is $1,000,000. “Divide it by the number of dollars that Mrs. Primrose is allegedly giving to Oscar Jaffe in On the Twentieth Century.” Well, that’s $200,000, or “Five zeroes, preceded by a two” so $1,000,000 divided by 200,000 is $5.

“Multiply it by the year that New Faces featured the song ‘Love Is a Simple Thing.'” (That’s New Faces of 1952, so $5 times 1952 equals $9,760.

“Divide by the number of ‘black dragons’ seen in Pacific Overtures.” That’s “Four Black Dragons,” so $9,760 divided by 4 equals $2,440.

“Subtract the number of ways Ruth could lose a man in Wonderful Town.” That’s “One Hundred Easy Ways to Lose a Man,” so $2,440 minus 100 equals $2,340.

“Divide by the number that the agent sang about, until both he and the song were dropped from Chicago.” That’s “Ten Percent,” so $2,340 divided by 10 equals $234.

“Add the number of the street mentioned in the name of David Merrick’s final hit.” That’s 42nd Street, so $234 plus 42 equals $276.

“Subtract the number of trombones celebrated in The Music Man. That’s “76 Trombones,” so $276 minus 76 equals $200.

“Divide by the number of men cited in the Tony-winning musical of 1971-72.” That’s Two Gentlemen of Verona, so $200 divided by 2 equals $100.

“Multiply by the number of growing boys mentioned by Minnie in Minnie’s Boys.” That’s “Five Growing Boys,” so $100 times 5 equals $500.

“Multiply by the number of months out of every year that frustrate Meg Boyd in Damn Yankees.” That’s “Six Months out of Ev’ry Year,” so $500 times 6 equals $3,000.

“Divide by the percentage number that Bea sang about at the end of Ballroom. That’s “Fifty Percent,” so $3,000 divided by 50 equals $60.

“Multiply by the number of minutes the prince sings about to Cinderella in the Rodgers and Hammerstein musical.” That’s “Ten Minutes Ago,” so $60 times 10 equals $600.

“Divide by the number of fans mentioned in the opening number of The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas.” That’s “20 Fans,” so $600 divided by 20 equals $30.

“Subtract the number of days till Christmas first cited by the shoppers in She Loves Me.” That’s “Twelve Days to Christmas,” so $30 minus 12 equals $18.

“Divide by the name of the Tony-winning 1981-82 Best Musical.” That’s Nine, so $18 divided by 9 equals $2.

“Add the number of daughters mentioned in the title of a 1961 musical that came to Broadway from Hawaii.” That’s 13 Daughters, so $13 plus 2 equals $15.

“Divide by the number of ladies with whom the Emcee cavorts in Cabaret. That’s “Two Ladies,” so $15 divided by 2 equals $7.50.

“Multiply by the number of cents per dance mentioned in the Rodgers and Hart song from Simple Simon. That’s “Ten Cents a Dance,” so $7.50 times 10 equals $75.

“Divide by the batting average that Rose says she’ll bat from now on in ‘Rose’s Turn.'” That’s “a thousand,” so $75 divided by 1,000 = $0.075.

How much do you have? Seven-and-a-half cents! It doesn’t mean a helluva lot in The Pajama Game, but I hope it means a helluva lot to you if you got it. (Only Kenneth Kantor did.)

********************

[To contact Peter Filichia directly, e-mail him at pfilichia@aol.com]