From the article:
"HI, how are you? May I start by saying you look and indeed smell incredible today. Have you lost weight? No? I think you have, you look slimmer. Seriously, you're HOT. I hope you don't mind me being so forward, my father always says it's important to pay compliments. But the truth is I'm just trying to deflect your attention in the hope that you won't realise I have absolutely no idea how to write this column."