Count Arthur Strong's new show, 'Command Performance', is so new, not even he knows he's doing it yet. Don't worry about that though, it's never stopped him before! So get your Maltesers out, roll your trouser legs up and sit back and enjoy this potentially wonderful show. Pausing only to glance up from your program to ask when the interval is. I can guarantee you, you'll have never seen anything like it, whatever it is.
Now, if only we can find him!